An underdog I am, a nerd I be

It's funny to think how much I've slacked this semester. Assignments are due soon and I've just started. Odd. Ironic. Funny.

It's also quite startling to see how much drive and energy I've lost in first year. I made some resolutions this semester, such as concentrating in class, attending classes, doing tutorials, studying more, pushing myself even harder and what not. After 8 weeks, it just hit me in the head - where is the old me?

I admit that I was your typical nerd in high school. Moustache, digital watch, big water bottle, tuition after school. The old me. Now, looking back, I wonder, what I've done to him? Where has he gone? and more importantly, will he ever come back? I sometimes ponder, did I push him away, killed him, perhaps? I feel guilty sometimes, I often look in the mirror, and see him, staring at me, looking sad.

And I wonder, where is he? 

On Friday night, I had a bout of flu. It killed me, I was literally sneezing every 5 seconds. I was struggling to finish my SO assignment, which took up my day. Plus my laptop adapter got croken, so I had to but a new one. 190 bucks man. WTF ? Anyways, when I was finally done, I ACCIDENTALLY deleted the file - off my pendrive! Christ sake, all my work was gone. That's where I thought I had it. I took a pill, and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up feeling different. No, it was not because it was 8 am, but just had the feeling that I have felt like this before. It was 8 am. I had only slept on 6 hours on a weekend. Why on earth was I awake? 

I woke up, and started on SO. At 8 am. I finished at 12 pm. I didn't move an inch. Okay, maybe I did go to the toilet. After lunch, I worked on economics. Again, I just sat and typed. And typed. The ideas kept flowing. That's where I said to myself, Welcome Back. Boy, I really needed you. It happened the same on Sunday.

Then, while watching a football match, the favourites took on an underdog team. And each time the favourites scored, everyone would cheer. Each time the underdogs made a mistake, everyone laughed. The latter got thrashed. I felt sorry for them. They had guts to take on the favourites, they played with tremendous pride and heart to keep the opponents at bay, but yet, failed. I thought, they are like me. I am an underdog. Always has, is, and will always be.

I'm always number 2. Rarely number 1. Yet, I keep going for it. I don't like to be tagged the favourite, makes me pressured. I like to test myself against the very best - I have nothing to lose, but much to gain. When I lose, which I do often, I don't blame myself. Maybe sometimes, but not always. I am the underdog. Was, is, always will be.

I am a nerd, no matter how much I try covering it, hiding it, or running away from it, it's there in me.

An underdog I am, a nerd I be.

Gooday mate.

ps. I'm back. And I'm here to stay.